Why Isn’t This Working For Me?
Part One
I could see, and did not dispute, the spiritual progress taking place in the lives of a few people around me, but their progress had left me with the sinking, haunting, feeling there was something missing or lacking in my own personal experience.
Attending Church and Sunday School on Sunday morning was not an option in my upbringing. The thought of doing otherwise would have never even entered my mind. If you were not on life-support, you were to be there. Case closed.
Responding to this instilled sense of obligation, I did what I had to do, or what others expected of me, but didn’t always seem to find the same level of joy that others seemed to experience when it came to participating in such things as gathering together for a weekly worship service, or setting aside daily time for private Bible study.
If I were honest, I would have to concede that at times, such things could seem more like a burden to maintain on a consistent basis. My body was there, but my mind was miles away focused on other things, waiting for the opportunity to get on with the rest of “my” day. During the week, my Bible mostly remained closed.
Does any of this sound familiar?
If so, you’re not alone.
In fact, according to Matt. 7:14, the majority of people in each generation of the Church Age will not choose the straight and narrow way, let alone find any genuine joy in it!
The same could be said about the majority of those who are born-again. They are satisfied to know that they are Heaven bound, but pursuing the post (after) salvation life of discipleship is not at the top pf their daily, ‘things to do’ list.
It wasn’t until in my early teens that I had a personal experience that was the beginning of an individual, intimate, daily, walk with the Lord. It was only then that I developed an insatiable appetite for the things of God, that has never gone away.
The details of this experience are a private matter between me and the Lord, but I will say it was like the parable in which the Good Shepard left the 99 and went out seeking the one wandering sheep, carrying it back in His arms to safety. It was the one of a few times that I would truly feel the proverbial arms of God embracing me.
Some folks would say it was then that I had been born again (1).
But as for me, as far back as I can remember I believed in the existence of God. Having been raised in a Christian environment, I can’t remember a time when I had not heard or did not believe in the Person and the atoning Work of the Lord Jesus Christ, fulfilling the one Biblical requirement to enter the Kingdom of God.
I was aware that any acts of disobedience could result in divine discipline, but like most stupid kids, this didn’t always stop me from pressing my luck and engaging in sin.
Later in life, I would learn that there is no such thing as luck, good or bad, as such a concept is contrary to the sovereignty of God, and that sooner or later, no one gets away with anything (2). We may not get caught in the act, but in God’s timing, what goes around comes around, and the fiddler will be paid.
There comes a time when most people will repent (change their mind) and forsake (discontinue) their involvement with the sins of their youth (3), and adopt a more responsible lifestyle, and assume their position in familial roles and society.
Most will get through their rebellious (teenaged) years without too much damage impacting the rest of their lives. Sad to say, some will not, and some will pay the ultimate price for their reckless and immoral behaviors.
Note that the sin of one’s “youth” can refer to sins committed at a relatively young biological age, OR sins that are committed at a stage of spiritual immaturity at any age.
The very idea that Creator of the universe actually having an individual plan made just for me, or that He was interested in my moment to moment, day by day activities, seemed to be a bit of a stretch, even though I read that the number of hairs on my head (smallest details of my life) was known by God (4).
It was not until the afore-mentioned experience in my early teens that my relationship with God began to be a 24/7, daily and intimate walk with the Lord. What had been an obligation had become a genuine desire.
I had a long way to go to reach any discernable level of spiritual maturity, but a conscious awareness of the omnipresence of the Lord that began then, has been with me ever since, in the good times and in the very bad.
End of Part One
(1)\tJohn 3: 5 (2) Gal. 6: 7 (3) Psalms 25: 7 (4) Matt. 10: 30